So, my good friends at Loveland & South asked me to write up some simple tips for their wellness issue to start the new year. I sent my article their way, they loved it--and needed me to cut 80% for space. So whether you're dropping in from the web, or you were prompted here by the magazine, here are my expanded thoughts on simple habits that can change your trajectory in 2025:

Every positive change happens incrementally. Meaningful improvement in our lives—whether it’s financial, fitness, or friendships—happens almost exclusively through consistent nudges in the right direction. The same is true for your mental and emotional wellbeing. While these practices may not look significant on their face (and the protective part of you that resists change will probably say so), working them into your routines can significantly deepen the quality of your presence and brighten the way you feel overall, over time.

1) Be intentional at the mirror. What do you do at the bathroom mirror each morning, each night? You probably don’t think about it, but this is the time when you face to face with the first and last person you have to count on, the one person guaranteed to be with you till the end: you. And every morning, if you're like most people, that reflection is miles away in their head, ignoring you.

Or worse, they’re scrutinizing, looking for flaws, nitpicking and judging. And that man or woman in the mirror sets out into their day already dismissed and/or rejected. It’s become so normal you don’t even see it, but the energy you’ve started with is real.

What if you were intentional in that moment? What if you decided to step up and support that person you see? You are ultimately responsible for them, after all--their hopes and responsibilities. That person in the mirror wants to have a certain kind of impact on the people they’ll encounter today, and you’re setting the tone, whether you’re present or not. Encourage them, accept them. Let them know yesterday’s done and you can’t wait to congratulate them when you meet again before bed. 

Already hearing “that’s cheesy” or “I’ll do that twice then forget” in your head? Remember, that’s the piece of you who always chooses the familiar hell. Notice him, accept that he’s there. And bring him with you to the next good habit:

2) Thank your defenses. Almost every person who comes into my office initially sees therapy as a sort of surgical extraction, a place to get rid of an unwanted experience/habit/part of the personality. But have you ever wondered why your most dysfunctional aspects persist even after you’ve suffered their consequences? They think they’re saving your life. And that’s usually because, at one time, they probably did. Yes: your emotional detachment, your escapist habit, your people-pleasing or needless fibbing or anxious catastrophizing—they’re trying to do you good.

It’s like the person who tries to pour water on the kitchen grease fire; no, they’re not helping, but they want to. They are just scared and don’t have the right tools. And the thing to understand about our protectors is that they will not lose a power struggle. They will not be shut down. When I encounter my anxious forecaster, my pouty giver-upper, my mistrusting loner, I start with the words “Thank you for trying to protect me.” You’ll be surprised how flexible your defenses become when you've established a more understanding posture toward them.

3) Stop giving yourself jobs you can’t do. A lot of our stress and poor self-management come from fixating on things well outside our actual area of control. Looking at how small that area is can be a daunting prospect—especially for someone who habitually tells themselves they’re all alone—but it’s a liberating thing to do. Look at where your time and energy is going and ask hard questions about what you are truly hoping will happen as a result of your efforts. 

Don’t be surprised to discover you’ve vastly overestimated your powers. So many clients have told me how, after the pandemic screwed up their plans, they decided it meant they were a failure. What precisely did they fail to do? None could mention anything that wasn’t superhuman. And yet they’d still accepted guilt of failure.

Make a list of what affects you that you don’t get to decide. I’ll help you start: what other people choose, how others interpret you, what the economy will do this year, etc. Get ready—it’ll be long. But as soon as you start taking energy back from what you can’t choose, you start saving more for what you can.

4) Name the Ongoing Projects. This is related to number 3. Back in the 90s I remember driving my mom crazy because she wanted me off the video games but I “need to get to a save point”. A huge culprit of burnout and never having time or energy to spare is that we are not mindful of those things in which we are engaged that really don’t have a ‘done' place—or have one that’s just naturally far off. Like me lost in my old role-playing PS1 games, you can find it difficult to let go of something that keeps its tantalizing rewards ever out of reach. You’re doing the little nudges, but you’re trying to do them all today.

For those driven by a ‘never enough’ narrative, setting that boundary always feels like laziness or failure—when in reality, it’s being grounded. Also, our devotion to the never-ending work can be a safe place when there’s something else we’re avoiding. Listen to the words of my mom in that kitchen years ago: “Choose a stopping place.”

5) Prioritize relationships. Ok, we’ve all learned to talk a good game about connection and community. Stop leaving it for last. Quit telling yourself and the people you could be doing life with that you’ll get together “when things settle down.” They won’t. 

Meaningful, intimate connection with other people is always a major factor in better outcomes whether you’re talking about building a business, overcoming addiction, making a marriage last, or even fighting cancer. The people who have those qualities you admire and who are on their path and bring out the best in you—make time for them. Yes, that will mean giving chunks of evenings and weekends to community when ‘there’s something more productive I could be doing’. But that excuse will always be there. May I suggest it also is trying to protect you from what you’re afraid of encountering should you connect more deeply with others. Don’t worry; it’ll reveal itself. It’ll be messy.

And you’ll be glad you did it.

Mike Ensley is a licensed professional counselor who sees clients at his Loveland office, as well as via teletherapy throughout Colorado.